Friday, September 11, 2009

Star Trek Enterprise Bottle Opener

What better way to crack open that Romulan Ale

Imagine yourself in a diplomatic situation. There you are, emissary for the Federation to the Romulan Star Empire. Your duplicitous host offers you a bottle of his oldest and finest vintage of Ale. The greenish-blue liquor seems to glow with the promise of good times, laughter, and the feeling of brains bashed in and served on wheat toast in the morning. Being a properly trained Federation Officer, you know the ritual for the first pour: The bottle is offered to the guest, the guest inspects, approves and opens the bottle, and fills his host's glass.

You dutifully take the cool bottle, and realize with horror that the cap is a pry-off, not a twist-off, and that you have no implement with which to open it. In a panic, you wonder if breaking your teeth would be considered bad-form. Your host's guarded smirk becomes a glower and a glare. Ambassadors are recalled, and soon you're left with fleets of starships poised at the border with photons loaded and phasers charged because you forgot a simple bottle opener. Way to go, ass.

Next time, have one of these on hand. Handy and stunning, these chromed-out beauties do quick-work on bottles while still screaming Federation. They feel heavy in your hands, like a good phaser, so if diplomatic relations fail you, you can always chuck 'em at your hosts' heads as a weapon.

Don't do that with the Klingons, though. They're more likely to laugh at you. Thick skulls, don't-you-see.


  • Officially Licensed Star Trek Bottle Opener
  • Shaped like the USS Enterprise, NCC-1701
  • 4 3/4 inches long (12 cm)
  • 5 1/2 oz (153g) weight
  • Shiny chrome finish with "U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701" printed on the primary हल