Give 'em Hill: Why 'Star Trek' Fest is huge in Iowa

The good people of Riverside, Iowa, have done it again, plowing through the time continuum with a parade of antique tractors, slipping through space on faster-than-light greased pigs, and celebrating the historic future of a Saurian-brandy-swilling, Tribble-tolerating starship captain who some say never really will exist, but those people are probably "Dr. Who" fans anyway.

It was the annual Trek (as in "Star Trek") Fest last weekend, honoring the designation of Riverside as the official birthplace of Capt. James T. Kirk. The fest has been held for the past 25 years, which, when they started, was a good 244 years before the actual blessed event. Which doesn't make sense unless someone spilled the beans when the Enterprise crew came to Earth (as recorded in the movie "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home") to capture two humpback whales in 1986. Which still doesn't make sense because Riverside Council Member Steve Miller came up with the idea and got permission for the town's designation from Trek creator Gene Roddenberry in 1984 and. . . oh, details, details.

Regardless, the annual parade went forth with fire engines, a high school band and a float of the Enterprise herself (not actual size). T-shirts were sold (I bought one), people ate funnel cakes (I like "wormhole" cakes better) and the Horta — a.k.a. Casey Slack, a 35-year-old artist — won the costume contest in a foam-and-paint suit that resembled a giant

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week-old slice of pizza, growling in faux agony befitting the subterranean silicon-based life form from Season 1, Episode 25, and writhing around on an outdoor stage as if the floor were made of lava.

"This is how I get in character," Slack said, writhing. "Grrrr!"

Why Iowa?

Now this is not your typical Trek convention with volumes of Vulcans living in long lines for vendors to prosper. Sure, there were a couple of green slave-girl dancers and Spocks with ill-fitting latex ears melting in the 90-degree heat.

But this is Trek, Midwestern style. For one thing, it often comes with a tornado warning. We got one a few days before during which I cowered in the basement while my family — accustomed to this kind of thing — lagged upstairs, prompting a call from a concerned relative who said, "Well, at least keep your cell phone with you so we can find your body later."

Fortunately, the subsequent fest was tornado-free and I got a chance to meet lots of nice people in Riverside, a town of 928 which swells to a couple thousand during the two-day event.

"Star Trek" is big here. It's so big the Voyage Home Museum, in a small storefront next to a shop that sells horse saddles, was opened last year. It has glass-case displays of Trek action figures, photos and starship models. Visitors come all year, and there's even more interest now because of J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" film, museum vice president Phil Richman said.

"In the new movie, it has Kirk born on a battleship in outer space instead of here," Richman said. "But we'll just let that go."

Indeed, the real Kirk birthplace is just through town on the right-hand side, behind an antique store, museum volunteer Darlene Burich said. "In the future, it's supposed to be his parents' home," she said. "He's not just born on the street, I'm sure." �

Sulu rules!

The best part of the whole fest was that I got to meet Mr. Sulu. The real Sulu! Technically, he should not be born yet either, but given worm holes and large misshapen stone doughnuts that offer trips to see Joan Collins in the 1930s, it was no big surprise. Of course here in the 21st century, Sulu goes by the name of George Takei and was not in uniform but rather sporting a green polo shirt. He rode on a float in the parade along with lovely Lt. Uhura, calling herself Nichelle Nichols, and Chekov who insisted he was some guy named Walter Koenig. The landing party has to maintain a low profile, you know.

(Clearly Sulu tools around the time continuum like nobody's business, because he was in the Bay Area just last night to narrate the Fourth of July fireworks show with the SF symphony.)

Sulu was super nice, launching into a story about his niece who got her first journalism job in Iowa covering tornadoes and snow storms and eventually landed her dream job as a sportscaster in Seattle. Before I could muddle together a lame question about the famous sword-fighting episode, he was quickly swept away on a golf cart with Uhura and Chekov for an autograph session at the Riverside Casino.

Sadly, I didn't see one person dressed up as my favorite character, the Tribble. I was a Tribble a couple of years ago for our sci-fi-themed Halloween party. I sewed a big puff of furry white fabric together and stuffed it with newspaper and tried to make purring noises, but people thought I was a giant chicken and avoided me. Is there a word in Klingon for loneliness? Ah yes. "G'arr cluck!"

http://www.mercurynews.com/columns/ci_12743644?nclick_check=1